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Is your non-verbal communication undermining your credibility?
I want to share a story with you that opened my eyes. During a client meeting many years ago, a manager observed me and later mentioned that I was “planning with my pen” while my client was talking. I hadn’t even realised I was doing it, but apparently, it made it look like I wasn’t fully listening. That comment got me thinking about how our non-verbal habits, those little things we do without even noticing, can sometimes send the wrong message to our clients.
We all know that as financial planners, our language with clients is essential. But equally, how we behave with our clients can either build trust or, unintentionally, undermine our credibility. Here are a few non-verbal behaviours I’ve noticed (and have had to work on myself) that might be giving off the wrong signals:
Planning with your pen or fidgeting
It might seem like a harmless habit to jot down ideas while a client is speaking, but if you’re busy planning your next point instead of focusing on what they’re saying, it could look like you’re not fully engaged.
The same goes for other fidgeting behaviours – tapping your fingers or shuffling papers can signal that your mind is elsewhere, even if you’re not.
These are called manipulators, and they can be a sign of nervousness or anxiety. A highly perceptive client might pick up on that and wonder why the behaviour occurred.
What to do:
Keep your hands relaxed and in a neutral position when your client speaks. If you need to take notes, aim for brief, intermittent scribbles. Or better, record your meetings.
Pauses and hesitations
Pauses can be a sign of thoughtful reflection, but pausing too long or too often might unintentionally signal uncertainty or that you’re thinking too hard (cognitive load).
Filled pauses (“erms” and “ahs”), false starts (stutters) and repetitions are also potential signs of a lack of confidence in your words.
If your clients perceive you as thinking too hard about an answer or stumbling over your words, that may affect your credibility. Usually, the problem is you don’t pause enough before answering and start talking before your brain catches up.
What to do:
Use natural pauses to give you and your client a moment to process the conversation. If you want to make a key point that requires a thoughtful response, slow down your speech rate.
This makes it easier for the person you are talking to understand and reduces fillers, false starts, and hesitations. Practicing key points ahead of time can help you maintain a steady flow.
Inconsistent eye contact
Eye contact can be a powerful way to show someone you’re listening. If you catch yourself glancing away too often, maybe to check your phone or because you’re lost in thought, it might come off as if you’re not fully present in the conversation.
What to do:
Make a conscious effort to maintain natural eye contact. It doesn’t have to be a constant stare, but regular eye contact can reassure your client that you have their full attention.
Minimise visual distractions in meeting rooms, especially phones. They should be put away and not on desks.
“Closed” body language?
There’s a lot of talk about “open” versus “closed” body language.
For example, folded arms are often seen as a sign of disinterest or defensiveness. However, there’s no evidence that folded arms mean either. Sometimes you fold your arms simply because you’re cold or you find it comfortable. You need to be aware of your behaviour. Because many believe that folded arms might be a negative signal, adopt a slightly more open posture without forcing anything unnatural.
What to do:
Start by being aware of your body movements in meetings. Self-awareness is part of emotional intelligence, so pay attention to the context and movements. For example, what might that communicate if you fold your arms and sit back when you are challenged?
A few tips to keep in mind
Build self-awareness:
Consider having a colleague or mentor observe your client meetings from time to time. Sometimes, we’re so caught up in the conversation that we don’t notice these subtle habits ourselves.
It’s even better if you can get a recording of yourself; many people don’t like watching themselves on camera, but it’s valuable as you will notice behaviours usually below your conscious awareness. Observing them brings them to attention.
Practice active listening:
Focus on your client’s words. Allow yourself to absorb what they say before offering your thoughts or planning your next point.
Be aware of cognitive load:
Our cognitive resources are limited, and mindfulness practice will help you increase your capacity. Prepare for meetings by calming your mind, it will help you focus when you are with clients so you can pay attention and notice your own behaviour.
Little things, like how we hold our pen or where our eyes wander, can significantly impact how our clients perceive our level of engagement and credibility. We can ensure we’re not unintentionally sending the wrong message by paying more attention to these nonverbal cues.